The journey to normalizing a life without children
And a liberating revelation
A few months ago, I wrote an article looking at how Gen X women have played a role in the increased prominence of not having children.
Today, I want to explore how younger generations are playing their own part in shifting the cultural narrative on this “taboo” choice. With 1 in 3 Millennials and Gen Z-ers saying they don’t want to have kids, the community of women without children is growing faster than ever before.
What’s behind the increase in Millennial and Gen Z folks without children?
No matter how old you are, you’re likely feeling challenged by the increased cost of living. It’s unsurprising then that a frequently-cited reason for not having kids is worry over finances. In fact, a recent survey done by MassMutual found that 23% of millennials and Gen Z-ers without kids planned to stay that way due to financial worries.
Other common motivations cited are environmental worries, political instability, fear of passing down illnesses or disabilities, and the toll that pregnancy takes on the body.
But what stands out to me among the current dialogue around being childfree is something that I find extremely liberating:
What if we don’t need a reason?
This shift moves beyond the standard considerations and into the realm of personal choice. On the childfree subreddit, an active online community of nearly 1 million members, a common question is “What’s your reason for being childfree?”
I’ve noticed an uptick in responses like these:
“Because I don’t want to. It’s not even a choice for me. It’s as natural as having brown eyes. Period.”
“Nobody asks people with children why they want them”
“I just don’t want any. I have no reason to want them.”
“I don’t need to dig deeper, I just don’t want kids. That’s literally my reason.”
Comments like these show an interesting cultural shift towards not needing to defend our choices, especially around our bodies.
These redditors aren’t alone. According to a 2024 study by the Pew Research Center, 57% of child-free adults under 50 “just don’t want to” have kids. This is almost twice the amount of those aged 50 and older with the same explanation.
That’s not to say that the practical reasons are invalid. On the contrary, climate change, the state of the world, and financial strain are important considerations. And they are major issues that need to be solved regardless of the birthrate.
The point instead is to argue that in addition to these factors, the baseline societal expectation to have children is eroding.
It’s also an observation around how AFAB people are constantly prodded by society with a multitude of questions and assumptions. While this is sadly true no matter one’s parental status, it’s also relevant here.
It feels like “why don’t you want to have children?” is asked far much more frequently than “why did you have kids?” Family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, even strangers feel like it’s their right to talk people out of their childfree identity. For many, simply existing as a person without children is seen as an incomplete state that demands a detailed explanation.
But, nobody ever tells a woman in her 20’s that she’ll “change her mind” about wanting to have kids. However, this sentiment is common for young childfree people who society sees as “still having time” to come around to the idea of being a parent.
It’s liberating to not need to justify our choices.
In researching this article, I came across something that gave me a lot of hope that maybe the stigma against being a woman without children could start to decrease.
Parents Magazine isn’t the sort of place you’d go looking for a lack of judgement around being childfree. But, journalist Beth Ann Mayer – a parent herself – was discussing reasons why younger folks aren’t having children.
In her article, amidst quotes from individuals on a social media post, Mayer says something beautiful: “Not that these people – or anyone – need to explain their decision to remain child-free…”
She goes on to share a quote from a commenter on a post she was highlighting in her article, which said “We can all love and respect each other’s choices. Women need to support women.”
In a way, her sentiment reminds me of how both childfree and childless individuals can come together to support one another, and how childfree individuals benefit parents, too. We can all come together to create a cultural shift towards acceptance.
Will the Future be more Open-Minded to the Childfree Lifestyle?
For many, life feels more complicated now than ever. With lots of uncertainties looming around us, the decision to remain childfree speaks both to the general mood of the moment and to a shifting perspective.
As more and more of those in younger generations challenge traditional norms, the more the societal view of fulfillment, legacy, and the choice to be (or not to be) a parent shifts.
This shifting perspective raises new questions for the future: How will communities and social support systems adapt to prioritize different forms of fulfillment beyond parenthood? What policy changes might follow this demographic shift?
No matter your parental status, support and empathy are essential as we move forward together towards a more inclusive and compassionate society.
Announcing: A New Online Support Group Cohort!
Open to cisgender women and AFAB individuals, welcoming to all sexual orientations. Join us in a safe space to explore your unique story in a community of childfree women. You’ll be invited to deepen connections to yourself and others via enriching relationship skills and emotional experiences.
Our goal: to carve out a meaningful place in mid-life (and beyond) that fits the unique shape of your identity so you can lead a fulfilling and satisfied life.
Your Facilitator: Jackie Toth, Childfree LMFT #112958
I am a psychotherapist and a Gen-X cis woman. I’m a member of the American Group Psychotherapy Association and the Group Psychotherapy Association of Los Angeles. I support individuals experiencing grief and loss through a radical grief lens. I am an advocate for reproductive justice, and am passionate about exploring the impact of marginalization and oppression on people’s lives and the larger community.
Join us! Schedule a screening call with Jackie.